Hey,
Have you ever realized the worth of your surrounding? I mean how it affects your whole outlook towards life.
How a single snide comment can cost your mental peace?
Here are a few words from my very dear friend.
“Today, I want to write about myself, my feelings, emotions, my viewpoint. About how my surrounding affect me. I just want to spit it out.......
Sometimes I feel like I am the ugliest person, it’s not just about being fat, I have stretch marks all over my body, my hands, shoulders, stomach, back, calf, literally everywhere; acne, acne marks, dark spots on my inner thigh, cellulite, double chin. Overall I have a hideous and ugly body.
I have two mirrors in my room, one is full length and the other is a small one in which I can only see my upper body. It’s rare that I feel beautiful but as soon as I see myself in the full-length mirror, I hate it, I hate myself and I just feel like crying. I know that it is wrong but...
I stopped caring for myself in the past due to many reasons, not just my body but overall, I didn’t have any self-worth left! But recently I had grown to like myself again, actually, I started to love myself. I love my eyes, hair, my dressing sense, etc. I started to feel good about myself again. I realised the importance of self-love. I have started to take initiative on my health, I exercise, drink green tea, try to control my diet. But even after all these efforts, I’m reverting back to my old self again, irritated, agonize and full of self-hate, Ugh! It’s exhausting.
I have realised that a huge part of me realising my self-worth also relied on the people around me and even my lifestyle. I had recently shifted to Delhi for college, it was like starting over. I was surrounded by friends who never fat shame me. And for them, it’s not even a factor. That’s what actually changed my mindset too. My boyfriend was also never affected by it.
But now, at this point of time, I’m at home in Varanasi, my family has a very different opinion, they constantly remind me that I am not good enough just because I have a flaw, and that flaw is “obesity”. I just feel like I disappoint them, sometimes. My family is still in its evolving stage, they are still learning to accept all these facts, and I don’t blame them, I was like them a few years back, I use to hate me. But I have been here for around three months now, stuck in quarantine. That affects everything. My lifestyle has completely changed, I don’t go out at all, I stay at home all day. It's sort of frustrating. Plus I have a joint family, I live under a single roof with 13 Indians! Another bad news, I broke up with my boyfriend, we were together for almost five years... My point is I am affected by all of these things, and I just need a break. I don’t wanna fucking hate myself. I miss my old self.
I have reverted back to my angry, teenage self, because of all this, l feel like I am a bad person, which makes me hate myself even more. I am literally going through a shame spiral here. I shout at times because I am so fucked up, but immediately regret it, I say something that I never mean the typical old me.
I don’t want to disappoint anyone, I just want some peace. I have been going through a lot, I need someone who understands all this. I just want to be genuinely happy, I just wanna be happy.”
Oh, my love! Even the moon is full of scars and this is what makes it unique and beautiful. Always keep it in mind that chances of you being born are very very rare. And that makes you unique, too.
You are loved, you are precious, and “YOU MATTER”.
Have you ever realized the worth of your surrounding? I mean how it affects your whole outlook towards life.
How a single snide comment can cost your mental peace?
Here are a few words from my very dear friend.
“Today, I want to write about myself, my feelings, emotions, my viewpoint. About how my surrounding affect me. I just want to spit it out.......
Sometimes I feel like I am the ugliest person, it’s not just about being fat, I have stretch marks all over my body, my hands, shoulders, stomach, back, calf, literally everywhere; acne, acne marks, dark spots on my inner thigh, cellulite, double chin. Overall I have a hideous and ugly body.
I have two mirrors in my room, one is full length and the other is a small one in which I can only see my upper body. It’s rare that I feel beautiful but as soon as I see myself in the full-length mirror, I hate it, I hate myself and I just feel like crying. I know that it is wrong but...
I stopped caring for myself in the past due to many reasons, not just my body but overall, I didn’t have any self-worth left! But recently I had grown to like myself again, actually, I started to love myself. I love my eyes, hair, my dressing sense, etc. I started to feel good about myself again. I realised the importance of self-love. I have started to take initiative on my health, I exercise, drink green tea, try to control my diet. But even after all these efforts, I’m reverting back to my old self again, irritated, agonize and full of self-hate, Ugh! It’s exhausting.
I have realised that a huge part of me realising my self-worth also relied on the people around me and even my lifestyle. I had recently shifted to Delhi for college, it was like starting over. I was surrounded by friends who never fat shame me. And for them, it’s not even a factor. That’s what actually changed my mindset too. My boyfriend was also never affected by it.
But now, at this point of time, I’m at home in Varanasi, my family has a very different opinion, they constantly remind me that I am not good enough just because I have a flaw, and that flaw is “obesity”. I just feel like I disappoint them, sometimes. My family is still in its evolving stage, they are still learning to accept all these facts, and I don’t blame them, I was like them a few years back, I use to hate me. But I have been here for around three months now, stuck in quarantine. That affects everything. My lifestyle has completely changed, I don’t go out at all, I stay at home all day. It's sort of frustrating. Plus I have a joint family, I live under a single roof with 13 Indians! Another bad news, I broke up with my boyfriend, we were together for almost five years... My point is I am affected by all of these things, and I just need a break. I don’t wanna fucking hate myself. I miss my old self.
I have reverted back to my angry, teenage self, because of all this, l feel like I am a bad person, which makes me hate myself even more. I am literally going through a shame spiral here. I shout at times because I am so fucked up, but immediately regret it, I say something that I never mean the typical old me.
I don’t want to disappoint anyone, I just want some peace. I have been going through a lot, I need someone who understands all this. I just want to be genuinely happy, I just wanna be happy.”
Oh, my love! Even the moon is full of scars and this is what makes it unique and beautiful. Always keep it in mind that chances of you being born are very very rare. And that makes you unique, too.
You are loved, you are precious, and “YOU MATTER”.
